Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Start with a whimper....

So....I have no idea what I'm going to do ( Honest right?). In truth, I can take this in an infinite number of directions and each would be about the same level of garbage. However, I really want to do something meaningful. If not to you, my jerk-faced imaginary audience, then at least to me (wow this is off to a great start). I really have no clue as to what this will turn into but until then I guess I will have to start with what I know. Ramble on until you hit something funny and stop while you're ahead.

Let me be clear, I am a toddler (not really, although if I was it would make this blog much more interesting).I am a little older than the 14 year old boys on Xbox Live, who all swear like a homophobic racists, however in the scope of gaming as a whole I am quite new to the scene. My first gaming memory is playing Super Mario World on the SNES. Later on my first console would be the N64. I distinctly remember being in awe (à la N64 kid) as I unwrapped the console that would start my addiction (which would alter be solidified by the PlayStation).

 Now, growing up in a lower-middle class home meant that I was not allowed to buy many games. However it was with the invention of rentals that I was able to spend a Saturday afternoon sitting in my room wondering how anyone ever Superman 64 without immediately throwing it into the nearest trash receptacle

http://www.411mania.com/siteimages/superman%2064%20-%20screenshot_50046.jpg{Every time I see an image of the game I instinctively pinch myself in order to dull the pain of my memories}

That game was, in every way possible, an abomination and a dirty mark on my relatively clean childhood. I HATED this game. The first level is a time trial in which you, the unsuspecting player, must guide Superman through an obstacle course made up of arbitrarily placed hoops. All through the city the games forces the player to fumble with awkward controls in order to fly through a trail for NO REASON. Why is that hoop under the bridge when I could just as easily go above it and avoid the possibility of flying into the lake MULTIPLE times? Is this really the pinnacle of super-villainy? What master plan does Lex Luther have in store that requires me to traverse this poorly rendered metropolis?

Beyond the first level is a boring "game" in which superman uses his no so super-powers to do...stuff. It seems the trauma from playing this atrocity has blocked my memory of what you actually DO in this game. I'm not sure if that's unfortunate, or a blessing. All in all, Superman 64 taught me that gaming isn't all good. There are bad games out there too. Bad, bad games made by people who probably didn't want to make them in the first place. This however lead me to miss one of the greatest gaming experiences in my life.....

Okay. So the above was noting more than a poorly written rant about a game no one cares about. But honestly I am trying. I need to get all the junk out of my head so that when a gem shows up I can give it the attention it deserves, and not something I just spit out in less than 20 minutes.
Chicka Chicka Yeah
P.S. In order to save yourself from terrible articles, what should I write about in the future?
P.P.S. YES I will do a minecraft chronicles or something, no need to ask again...

No comments:

Post a Comment